Search for the Real Isis

Oh my God, I've been playing dress-ups so the world loves me- Urrrgghh.

Sorry everyone, but I'm no longer going to keep up this well-meant blog.

It seems to me, no-one will ever take women seriously or equally, if we're focused on how we look. I've realised when the made-over woman on TV cries with happiness, it's because she now feels worthy- what a false concept. I know some of them are naked- but they've got make-up on, a new hair-do and it's all tastefully photographed.Plus she's being told how beautiful she is. She looks good, she feels good. That's a false concept.

I realise that as long as outward beauty equals self-esteem, our little girls will grow up like many of us did- looks equals attention, favour, popularity, success (love and acceptance).And from the state of how I see many dress, it seems they're crying out even harder than we did. How do you wound a little girl? Tell her she's ugly. Boys don't cop that one.

Sorry to drag you along on my own little journey. Things have been troubling me about all this for a bit and when I answered some questions recently about my priorities , it just all came to a head.
I'm going to search for what it is the be a real woman. For me all I know for now, is it's not being a second class citizen, but it's not being a man either. That leaves a lot of searching in between to be done!
I'm going to try and bypass all I've had shoved into my head over a lifetime and work it out, then aim for that. For me I've realised, no amount of pleasing appearances are going to give real self-esteem and it's certainly not going to leave the planet a better place for our children. Wish me the true gifts of courage and wisdom, and may you all find your true Isis. x

Soy Chicken Fillets

For a while now I have known that at some point I needed to investigate underwear. 'Investigate?' Sounds like a job for Bazoomba Woman!
Anyway, apparently $2 Best and Less knickers will just not pass muster. Now ladies, you may be very or vaguely aware that there is underwear out there that can enhance your bust,flatten your tummy, slim your thighs, firm your butt and attract Brad Pitt. Well, all but the last are available, made just to help us look more wonderful. I just wonder if they have an entire Elle Macpherson latex jumpsuit I could just pop on and save time.
I have seen this stuff in department stores. I usually stand about 3 metres away and pretend I'm not looking at it, whilst secretly trying to check it out and wondering if there is a free crowbar thrown in for ease of applying. I mean, is breathing still possible in this stuff? Do you have a little oxygen tank stitched in, somewhere discreet? I don't want to go all Victorian and faint delicately in the playground whilst picking up the kids. Though looking as hot as I would perhaps some handsome dad might offer to resusitate me?...No, look it just isn't worth being uncomfortable. And uncomfortable was how I was feeling about checking this gear out.
So I decided to start small with one thing and work my way up as I got more comfortable about it all (read: less chicken) Speaking of chicken what I decided was to check out the things that are called 'Chicken fillets'. You know, they go in your bra and either give you a bust or else reinflate what you have left after kids, goddam it. So there I am in the shop and I'm staring at this gear on the wall, thinking, how about I try and be funny and ask whether they have those in a 'soy' as I'm a vego, when someone terrified me by saying "May I help you?"
I was shocked into saying, "Err, yes, I was wondering about those." Honestly, I felt like I was asking for something naughty from under the counter! And of course you're trying to be cool as well as an ass, so it's quite hard work. Anyway, lets just say, before I knew what was happening I was stuffed into a cubicle by a pert twenty-something and handed a few bra's which have this little fillets in them in a little pocket. No room for car keys and loose change though. Now, I have never had a bra fitted. Well, maybe when I was 14 but the incident was so humiliating that I have blocked it from my mind and cement rendered over the top. Anyway, it turns out I have been wearing the wrong sizes. I tried on everything at 100 miles an hour so the girl wouldn't see me with my anatomy flung askew.That curtain had never been shut so well or so fast! In the end I have to say it was a good experience. The girl was really very nice, very discreet and non-invasive and I have to say that the bras I bought, though I had no such intention to purchese when I entered the shop, are great.
Being in a daze, I was coerced into buying matching knickers, which when I got home and tried on, do all the wrong things but look really impressive in my drawer with the Best and Less stuff shoved to the side. So there you go, not such a painful experience at all if you haven't already done it, go get fitted at a speciality shop: the girls are helpful and have the best poker faces in the industry- just don't get sucked into the overpriced dodgy knickers.

Travelwear

I've been away and apologise if you've been standing there with your colour chart and body shape chart, all keen and fired up for the next step. Unfortunately, I can't put you out of your misery today either as I have so much to do but I would like to say a few things about clothes and travelling that I think is vital, lest you too do yourself an injury as i most certainly did. Repeatedly.
I was very pleased with myself when I packed for my holiday. For once my clothes all sort of matched and were flattering in shape and colour. What a fashion plate I would be. Alas, my plans began to unravel one hour into my flight when I sensed my lower body was not receiving sufficient blood supply due to my lovely jeans never having been designed for actual long-lasting comfort. This was a pattern for the whole holiday. I'd sit down and my thighs etc, were clamped in a vice. I had all nice clothes but it was mostly unsuitable for what we got up to. For instance, there I was, a calf sucking on my hand at a petting farm in my nice tailored jacket, covered in Alpaca wool fluff, mixed animal manure on my lovely boots. The cute animals all tried to eat my scarf and the tassels on my handbag.
The friends we stayed with were casual dressers so I never needed my going-out-for- dinner ballgown that I packed. Since I took 95% of the photo's I was barely in any so my coordinating gear will never be seen. But imagine I looked very nice. But if you looked closely you would have seen the pain in my eyes from my strangling clothes far-outdoing any pleasure I felt from looking nice. Just not worth it! Every afternoon when we got back I would throw on tights and a loose jumper, the only thing I had with me that was comfortable. Our hosts, who worked in the day, politely never mentioned that I was in the same outfit every time they saw me!
So, conclusion: It is great to look nice but comfort is more important. If you have to suck in a gut, or the clothes leave marks on your skin or raise your blood pressure this is no good. Prioritise comfort as you will need your body in one piece for some time yet!

Session 2- Colour Analysis

I really think colour analysis is a helpful thing but be aware that the word analysis has got a smaller word in it that could describe you if you take it all too seriously. From what I have researched it seems to be merely a helpful guide. This time I did not use a book but simply Googled 'colour analysis'. One helpful and easy site was collegefashion.net. It has a simple chart you can work your way through to discover your colour and then all the details you may want on it (complete with cute little swatch spots). This site still uses the idea of breaking everyone up into seasons. Apparently this is not always used nowadays but I like it.As a loose guide,if you are caucasian you are likely to be a Spring or Autumn. If you are Asian,Latino or African you will be a Winter or Summer. If you are from off-planet I'm not really sure.
The chart gets you to use your eye, hair and skin colours as a guide to find your season. As I change my hair colour regularly this caused a little confusion, but I still ended up as a Spring. As my hair is normally dark ash blonde (I think. Haven't seen it for some time),my eyes are green and my skin a golden beige, I would be a light spring. But since my hair is an amber/caramel colour at the mo I would, instead be a Warm Spring. Alrighty then!
Based on what I found, I see that some of my favourite colours are recommended for me. There are also colours in my swatch I just don't like, and I wouldn't wear them but if I am still left with 10 flattering colours,I am happy. This means when I go clothes shopping I can first look at styles that suit my body shape and can now narrow it down to those only in my best colours. I may have narrowed it down to only a quarter of any shop, but I feel confident that I can save time and money buying only things that actually make me look better. Now theres and idea!

Session 1- Body Shape

Today I will cover body shapes, work out mine and share which styles of clothes are said to suit me. My source of information comes from Trinny and Susannah's Body Shape Bible. This was loaned to me by a friend so it came free and easy. If you want to find out your own (too much info to put in my blog), library's carry this book plus others. Also there's heaps of info on the internet so just SISE (stick in search engine) and voila! Or Viola! as my son says.

Before I begin, I thought it best I mention a bit about diet and exercise. Apparently cheese, wine and chocolate does not cover all your food groups. Adding Jatz would still fail to do it.

To make a drawer run smoothly over it's tracks you can rub it with a bar of soap or a candle. It is the fat content that reduces friction. Sadly this handy trick does not work on bodies. The fat content of my thigh does not help ease my way into a pair of jeans. Sigh. So as I work through covering other things, I will be looking at what I eat and what exercise I do (walking the dogs for 15 mins so they evacuate their bowel is possibly too little exercise). That way, when I am ready to get the right new clothes, I can put them on without popping a button and taking someones eye out.

So body shapes. T & S name 12 (which seems conveniently neat) and it's a great book if you want to see women made over in their shapes. The Shapes are:COLUMN, LOLLIPOP, CORNET(CONE), GOBLET, BRICK, APPLE, VASE, HOURGLASS, CELLO, SKITTLE, PEAR, BELL. (I notice FATTY BOOMBAH, THE BLOB and VENUS OF WILLENDORF are not in the classifications, so that's nice.)

All these names of course are a loose description of a body shape. Looking at the general descriptions I find I am a VASE which is described as Big boobs, Gently curving longer waist, Hips equal boobs, slim thighs and legs. That all sounds pretty good doesn't it? Now, if I were 17 again it would be good and everything would be sitting in the right spot. But of course gravity, children and poor care have taken it's toll. Never the less, I have the basic shape sorted, albeit the shape is a little wobbly, as though drawn by a three year old.

In a nutshell, sharp, tight tailoring is my best look apparently. There's a lot of info on what to wear but as it only helps me I'll name but a few. Straight leg jeans (also called boot-cut), tailored jackets that fasten with one button under the boobs, scoop and square necked tops, high waisted pencil shirts ending just below knee, rounded jewellery and accessories.

This book gives pics of celebs in your shape getting it right and wrong. It also shows you what to avoid with a 12 foot pole. Some of these things are in my wardrobe!

In my opinion T & S write good style books though I don't like some of the things they put their 'victims' in. As a general reference though for shape this is a good book. Now that I know the shape and the style that would look best on me, I am going to work out my colours- stay tuned!

The Action Plan

OK. There are a lot of stylists out there. They all work on your wardrobe; others will also work with your image, hairstyle, makeup, a weight loss program and even cosmetic enhancements. Just pop ‘stylist’ into you web browser and you can spend days reading about what they offer, testimonials and best of all, lots of before and after shots. Love those!
If I had the money, I’d want to do the whole she-bang, so I plan to cover the lot.

WARDROBE This will involve me finding my ‘colours’ based on my complexion and hair colour. I will work out what my body shape is and the clothes that best suit it (including underwear shoes, jewelry and accessories). I’ll do a big wardrobe clear-out, deciding what should stay and what will go. After that will come up with a list of basics I need and the stores I might find them in. I’ll check out which sales people are genuinely helpful as opposed to having me meet their monthly sales target.

IMAGE I don’t have to wear a uniform; the office I work in has a dog or two in the corner and is in my house. There is no dress code. And yet, image is one of the things I am a bit lost with at the moment and much of it is to do with age. Does anyone remember the video clip to The Hoodoo Guru’s song “What’s my Scene.”? That’s me right now. Most of my week is at home but I do try and get out a bit socially and I do attend a few courses and writers things. There is definitely no ‘corporate’ in my look. I’d say I need 55% nice casual, 40% smart casual and the rest semi-formal for the odd fairy godmother visit.

HAIRSTYLE Everyone has a particular face shape so I’m going to discover mine and find some styles that would look good on me, and also fit in with my time and money budget. I would love someone to pick a fantastic cut and colour for me but I'm sure I can't afford the maintenance. I’ll see if it’s really worth going to a flash salon or not.

COSMETICS- For over two decades I have worn the stuff and prefer the way I look wearing at least a little .I fancy I don’t do a bad job (all that practice!) but I've never had a proper instructive make-over so I’m going to try one of those to learn any trade secrets I’m missing. Based on my colours, I will treat myself to a few new things that suit me.

WEIGHT LOSS. Diet and exercise obviously. If I’m honest my diet is dreadful and I’ll confess more when I get to this bit but lets say there tonnes of room for improvement in both areas. It can only do me good.

COSMETIC ENHANCEMENT Some stylists can advise techniques available and recommend clinics and surgeons. I won’t be going that far but will research the ‘soft’ versions of beauty enhancement; the sort of thing that doesn’t involve a needle and leave you expressionless. I figure many of us pooh-pooh this sort of thing in public whilst privately being curious so I’m going to take a peek.

Well that's what I plan to cover and now I've opened my big mouth, I'd better get to it!
May I add that when you pay for a stylist you still need to add the cost of any clothes, products or services you decide to get. We’re talking final costs of many thousands of dollars. I’m going to see what I can do for myself on a much tinier budget.

The Crisis Begins

Before the phoenix rose from the ashes, it must have self-combusted with a a bit of a bang. This is the story about my personal little combustion and my attempts to rise gracefully from it.
It seems to be common knowledge that a man can suffer from a mid-life crisis but no-one seems to apply this to women. And bless the dear French for saying a woman blooms at 40 , but I have to say at 39, I'm already sans a few petals.
Do women have a mid-life crisis as such? I think we do. Think gym memberships, being familiar with the names 'Trinny and Susannah', watching make-over shows (the kind ones. The bitchy ones are for younger people) and asking nervous household members- "Do I look like mutton dressed as lamb?"
I think any of these things plus looking at your face and/or wardrobe in dismay are clear signs that it may be happening to you. And, possibly one of the worst parts is that, whilst a few vague aches and pains may visit on occasion , you are very much still alive. I have to say, hormonally I'm having the biggest party yet. Here I am blowing my hooter full toot and all I hear is "Mum, you're embarrassing me again." Hey, I don't exist to bow to the whims of the young and contemptuous but I am suffering from a huge feeling of LOST.
Things came to ahead recently on a trip to a shopping centre. I have to say here I do not enjoy shopping. I find it bewildering, expensive and generally frustrating. When people say the words "Clothes shopping." I see myself, perspiring in a 4000000 watt fluorescent lit cubicle struggling to get out of something tight whilst trying not to see my backside in the three unkind, insensitive mirrors. Urghhh!
Anyway on this particular day, I had gotten ready in a hurry and was wearing something I was uncomfortable in but had run out of time. We drove to the shopping centre where we split up for a time and I walked around by myself. No one I'm sure gave me a second glance but I imagined they were, thinking "Dear God, get a load of that poor sod." I swear I looked like Bridget Jones in the third and worst, ten years on, sequel. I went to a department store but there was no-one about to ask for help regarding pajama's. I wanted something sexy, yet flannel-like that did not get all wedgie in your, ahem, sleep. I wandered around by myself, finally buying 3 things without trying them on (classic change-room avoidance) and brought them home to find only one fit. I was going to have to go back! Nooooo!
In my ensuing mope I daydreamed about having a personal stylist, so I hopped onto the Internet and had a look at exactly what these people did and, what it cost. The answer was 'a fair bit' on both counts. My husband suffered a small amount of hair loss when I told him about it all. "What a rip-off!" were his words but I thought about something I had read. On one site people were weighing up the value of a stylist. One girl said "I am paying tens of thousands of dollars for a university education. Why would I not spend a fraction of this on myself to educate myself on how to look my best?" I thought it was a valid point but I still didn't have a spare $1500. I looked at all the things a stylist could give advice on and thought finally- "Gosh, darn it, I can do this for myself." And I decided, on a mega tight, preferably free, budget I would be my own stylist and blog about it so other people, time poor, money lacking and mid-life crisis suffering like myself might do the same. So next blog, I'll tell you all the kinds of things I plan to cover, where I get my information and the results of a massive wardrobe clear-out as a feel-good beginning to starting afresh.